“Trauma” is derived from the Greek term meaning “wound.

 

Our belief that we are invulnerable to harm becomes shattered

 

That is until we meet a narcissist.

 

The tragedy is, that we will come to know firsthand, all the things we didn’t want to believe existed.

Tragedy challenges and shatters our long held beliefs.

 

Assumptions that are shattered from Narcissistic Abuse are:

 

INVULNERABILITY

Most of us believe that humans are basically good, honest and not going to purposefully cause us harm.

 

That victimization leaves us feeling vulnerable.

 

Our close relationships become a place we no longer feel safe in.

 

We aren’t prepared for the effect that narc abuse has on all our relationships.

 

We suddenly realize we don’t trust ANYONE.

•  

• RATIONALITY

This assumption is visible in our belief that things that happen in life have a rhyme and reason to them.

Narcissists defy our logic. 

 

They act in ways we can’t.

They lack things that we believe all human beings possess; like a conscience.

 

When the trauma of narcissistic abuse hits us, our rationality becomes a curse.

 

The meaninglessness of narcissistic abuse drives us into despair.

 

We know what the narcissist did to us was not necessary,

it was pure overkill, they exacted a plan against

us with such hatred towards us that we can’t comprehend.

 

Once we know the reason that the narcissist behaved towards us why they did, it goes a LONG WAY towards rebuilding our sense of order, predictability and safety in our lives.

 

MORALITY

Expectation that the world is just and fair.

 

We expect good guys to be rewarded and bad guys to go to jail.

 

it makes no sense to us when we face unwarranted, irrational and undeserved mental /emotional torture by a narcissist.

 

Narcissistic abuse is an unjust intrusion into our happy, loving lives.

 

As we suffer, our human spirit rages in torment over the abuse.

 

This event can cause many of faith, to challenge their belief about

 

God’s presence amidst the tragedy, questioning why God has seemingly left us alone.

 

If our assumptions haven’t been challenged to this degree formerly, it can be a rather catastrophic event to be exposed to the inhumane treatment of a narcissist.

 

SELF – IDENTITY

When the bombs of life hit us, our worldview is shattered

 

Experiencing extreme pain affects how we view ourselves.

 

The picture of the beautiful, happy loving world we used to live in, involved our own part of that picture.

Most of us have the belief that we are capable to wake up in the morning, shower, get ourselves dressed and proceed throughout our day making our living.

 

The trauma of victimization changes all this.

 

We seriously question ourselves after a narcissist victimizes us.

Are we weak? Are we needy?

 

How did we not see them for who they were?

 

Weren’t we intelligent? How did we not pick up on the lies?

Are we out of control?

 

It makes no sense to us when we face unwarranted, irrational and undeserved mental /emotional torture by a narcissist.

 

The victimization of us was neither expected nor intended to be our choice.

We did not want to be lied to, cheated, cheated on, stolen from, lied about, sold down the river and thrown away.

 

We did NOT see this coming.

 

We perceive ourselves as helpless and powerless.

We must be careful to deal with the issue of self perception after narcissistic abuse in order to prevent this.

 

We were victimized, we are NOT a victim.

We have choices.

We are responsible.

That is why we are learning two important fundamentals of identity after narcissistic abuse:

 

Who the narcissist is, and who we are.

Two very distinct people capable of two very distinct types of behavior towards others.

 

Pathologically hateful vs mutually loving.

(We fear we’ve become like the narcissist as we grapple with our own feelings of intense hate towards our abuser)

 

After narcissistic abuse, our sense of wholeness and integration has been lost.

 

We no longer see how our life fits into the larger world with significance, meaning and purpose.

 

Who we were in the world was lost.

 

Not only was the frame around the picture broken, but the picture itself has been destroyed.

 

We look into the frame and see nothing. We’ve lost our bearings, our boundaries, our sense of who we are.

This loss is devastating.

 

Not to know who we are, when our lives are collapsing around us is almost as painful as the abuse itself.

 

narcissistic abuse is that final horrible realization that not only have we been cheated on, lied to, abused, and left hung out to dry, but that the rules that defined who we previously were, no longer exist and no longer operate in our lives.

 

It’s what I believe creates the “walking dead” effect of this abuse.

 

The final blow is how we’re left an empty shell, no longer ourselves.